I get glowing reviews and words of encouragement from the kind staff at UCLA, but my life is not good. And I hope it (my life) can recover.
And would you ever think it could all stem from ………. taste?
Whatever that white is, it makes everything taste foul; food, water, ice cream, EVERYTHING. Acidic things are worse, but even ice cream has an evil, foul flavor. BTW, I have not shaved in a couple weeks.
Today I bought a dozen of those protein/calorie cans of corn syrup and chemical junk in order to get enough calories. Eating is a chore, and I am not consuming enough. Last night Brigitte basically made me a meal of baby food. Sweet squash (blended), peas (blended), and chicken in a sweet sauce. She now does not get insulted when I wince and have to force it down. I also will take a swig of a compound mixture of Lidocaine, Maalox, and Benadryl before any large meal in order to numb my whole mouth/throat. It lasts about 20:00, so I have to hurry.
I now have a comrade in SNUC. Believe it or not, of the 100 or less who get SNUC each year in America, there are two of us at UCLA right now. Same as me, she noticed a persistent stuffed nose, went to the Dr, etc. I’m about 2 or 3 weeks ahead of her, so all she (I call her SNUCie; she probably calls me SNUChead, I don’t know) has to do is look and listen to find out what is in store.
Last week the chemo Dr. floated the idea of ANOTHER two rounds of poison in order to be sure (or just more confident) that we killed the SNUC. I don’t know. He’s the doctor, and I have never been in an adversarial relation w/ one, but I am reluctant to poison myself twice as much. There are also issues such as lots of chemo and radiation causing cancer in the future. We shall see.
All I want to say is: Don’t volunteer for cancer. Live and eat right, because this shit ain’t worth a cigarette or cheap fast-food.
For your viewing pleasure, have a look at ‘Aging’. I’m approaching concentration-camp style.