I’m feeling it hard now.

The death ray is relentless. They may not kill the host (me), but I fear that they will debilitate and degrade me.

I went today to the Jules Stein Eye Institute on the UCLA campus. My radiation Dr. sent me there, for good reason. My eyes are now creating a crust that gathers in the end by the nose. Some mornings it is a large amount. The eye Dr. said that the radiation is disrupting the tear ducts. Now I will wash w/ OCuSOFT Eyelid Cleanser each night, and then apply Maxitrol opthalmic ointment to the lower eyelid above the lashes. Oh, that may be just for the next few weeks, or the rest of my life. In the morning, if there is a lot of crust, I will wash  again.

I am losing one or two pounds/day. In addition to the foul taste, my mouth is now an open sore, to a large degree. There is no joy. Here, from a meal of free, wild salmon,  organic potatoes whipped w/ lots of cream and butter, and organic peas, is what is left after my best effort last night. Brigitte warmed up an old statement from my  Dad’s dad, Thor Mason, “OK, if that’s all you want, you’ll be seeing this food tomorrow.”

The drug is a compound of Maalox, Lidocaine, and Benadryl that is supposed to deaden my mouth so I may eat. Well, the evil flavor still sneaks through, and it lasts about 5 0r 10 minutes. And no, I am not in a wolfing-down mode these days. Oh, one other thing; the space between my cheek and gums (I think that’s where Skoal goes; right?) is now a storage facility. I have to spend lots of painful time during and after every meal cleaning it out.

Yesterday I asked for, and received, a 4-day weekend. The radiation Dr. warned about too many/too long breaks that would allow the phantom cancer to survive, but then said 4 days off would be OK. I can tell you it was not bluster from me that impressed him. I bet that I am cutting a pretty pathetic figure these days.

I have TEN days of The Death Ray remaining. 10 days.



About chucksnuc

If you stop struggling, then you stop life.
This entry was posted in Cancer treatment and tagged , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

3 Responses to Withering

  1. Hi Chuck, we will be counting with you…you are almost there. We are sending you lot’s of love and positive and healthy thoughts along your way :-).

  2. Christine Kruttschnitt says:

    I admit you look horrible. But Chuck: Only ten more days! And if you feel bad: imagine what the f** cancer will be like. Worse, much worse. Which is good.
    Soon it is over.
    Thank you for writing this blog. It puts many things in perspective.

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